Chapter 6

What about me? Will I also get better? Just as the rain eventually gives way to clear skies, and winter always gives rise to spring, everything will be alright, won't it

I lie in bed gazing at the sky outside, and I think I really am not suited for love. I understand nothing, except that I like that person; beyond that, I know nothing at all. I thought that would be enough; isn't loving someone about wholeheartedly caring for them? Am I not doing enough?

After shouting all these words in one breath, I felt as if my throat was stuck and uncomfortable. Suddenly, I felt like laughing, and then I really laughed out loud. Who said that if you can't cry, you can only laugh? So I said with a smile: "I have been so unlucky, what else is there to be afraid of? I have nothing left, so I am not afraid of anything."

In the early morning, although there are not many people in the classroom, it is very lively. A few girls are sitting together, pointing and laughing at those photos.

Mom, I have finished eating. I put down my bowl and chopsticks and was about to get up when my mother grabbed me firmly.

How old are you, still acting spoiled like this

Do you not have eyes

"Ruya, are you hiding something from your parents?" Mom asked as she scrutinized me

It is another sunny day, and I open the window to gaze at the clear blue sky stretching for miles.

I walked over, gently took out the only 20 yuan I had in my pocket, and placed it in front of her piano case, then quietly listened.

Hmph! That girl named Xin Xin must not be let off the next time we meet. To bully my Ruya so openly, she must not be spared! Sigh, let this be a lesson this time.

Could it be the shrimp? That is certainly someone's favorite

The afterglow of the setting sun streamed through the window, casting everything in a golden hue. The halo of light on the glass added a touch of silent sorrow to the empty classroom. The formulas left by the math teacher on the blackboard seemed to pulsate with life, mocking me as I sat there in a daze.

Have you heard? The school next door,敦贺原, has won the interschool league championship again

Honestly, please ask her not to mention that she is a classmate of ours when she is outside, otherwise I would be embarrassed along with her

I know, I am singing for myself," she said

She, ah ... ...

What am I? I am nothing! I am just a ridiculous clown!" After saying this, I ran out without looking back. I didn't want to stay there any longer; they were all laughing at me, everyone was mocking me, laughing at my foolishness, laughing at my overestimation of myself... Woe is me... My heart hurts so much that I can hardly breathe

"Don't cry, speak to me, what's wrong with you?" Xiao Yi shouted anxiously

I do not know how far I have run, nor do I know how long I have been running. All I know is that I no longer have a shred of strength left to continue. So, I crouch alone at the street corner, gasping for breath. The rain falls heavier and heavier, with fine strands of rain weaving into a net that traps me inside. The sky above is tightly covered by clouds, as if it has swallowed all light and warmth. My lips tremble; I want to speak, yet I cannot hear my own voice.

On a warm afternoon, I leaned against the windowsill, tearfully recounting my unfortunate experiences to my close friend. I spoke throughout the entire afternoon, crying as I talked, sharing about Dunhua, my unsuccessful confession, the girl named Xin Xin, and the embarrassment I felt at that time. Observing the concern and comfort reflected in Xiaoyi's disdainful gaze, I thought to myself: in the face of friendship, love seems so fragile.

I will wait for you. He extended his hand, holding a clean handkerchief in his palm, and said, "I just wanted to say sorry..."

Well, anyway, he already has someone he likes. I feel like my voice is so small that I can't even hear it myself

I never expected that the usually cheerful and carefree Ruiqing could have such a terrifying side. His brows were tightly furrowed, exuding an irresistible aura of authority. I was taken aback by this version of him, but I quickly regained my composure. After the turmoil of the past few days, I am no longer the person who overreacts to everything. There is nothing that can shock me significantly anymore; my heart is like a stagnant pool, unable to stir even the slightest ripple.

As if startled by me, Ruiqing stood there in a daze

"How... how are you here?" I asked, realizing that my voice sounded so bitter.

"Ruiqing, stop talking. Yuya is already feeling bad enough," Xiaoyi said as she pushed Ruiqing away and glared at him.

I reached out and touched my face, and my hand was indeed damp. I gave a wry smile; can it be that I even cry in my dreams now? Is it possible that I cannot escape even by retreating into my dreams?

I raised my head, and the teacher was still passionately lecturing at the podium, yet I could not absorb a single word.

In the corner of the subway station, a girl holding a guitar is singing this song "A Moment of Obsession" over and over again. Even though the place is completely empty, she continues to sing to herself.

As I walked out of the school gate, several classmates passed by me, their voices discussing something that reached my ears. Why is it that I cannot escape his name no matter where I go, as if the whole world is filled with news about him? Is it really so difficult to avoid him? I continued to walk heavily towards the subway station, with only one thought in my mind: to go home, to that place which only gives me love and does not bring me harm

Indeed, a prince like him must be matched with a princess.

On the morning of a new week, I found myself engulfed in the roar of my homeroom teacher. He shouted loudly at me in front of the entire class, and his words were quite excessive. Ironically, I now have no reaction at all; I feel completely numb, lacking even the strength to struggle. I do not wish to argue, nor do I want to speak to anyone. The phrase 'my heart is like dead ashes' probably describes my current state.

I smiled nonchalantly for a moment, then shook off Ruiqing's hand that was holding mine, and slowly walked back to my seat. It turns out I had become numb to this extent.

"Like Asia." A gentle voice suddenly entered my ears, just as it had appeared countless times in my dreams. I hurriedly wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, only to find that the more I wiped, the blurrier my vision became

Today ... ... I have no appetite today, I replied evasively

Hmm?

Time is like a needle, piercing my heart bit by bit, densely and inescapably, leaving me with no choice but to endure. Only now do I understand what it means for days to feel like years, and this torment is not due to missing someone, but rather the desperate desire to forget someone.

If I had to describe my life using colors, I would say that my current life is a shade of gray and white

I lowered my head to look at the watch on my wrist, and the numbers reminded me that it was already 6:30. In the empty classroom, I was the only one left.

I do not know why, upon hearing her words, my dry eyes suddenly became moist again. A single thought of obsession, like a moth to a flame, is that not what I am? For the sake of my small wish, I have pursued it without hesitation, only to end up battered and bruised. In this empty subway station, in front of a stranger girl, my vision began to blur.

The phone left on the bed rang inopportunely, and I was momentarily taken aback, staring blankly for a while before remembering that I had switched the ringtone to normal mode, no longer the familiar "Subway." I smiled wryly, realizing that once a habit is formed, it is difficult to change.

"Just do whatever you need to do, I'm not a man. Do you expect me to support you for a lifetime?" Xiao Yi said, pushing my head away with a sense of helplessness

I never knew I could be so weak, so vulnerable, but now I feel as if my heart is shattered into pieces, my hands are empty, and I have nothing at all

After a bout of wind and rain yesterday, the entire world was washed clean. The blue sky and white clouds, gentle breeze and bright sun, herald a new day, and everything appears so beautiful

That was close; if my mother finds out that I am not studying properly, have a crush on a boy, and have made such a mess of myself, she will definitely not let me off the hook

"Do you know her?" asked the girl next to Xin Xin

Please, do you think you know who the person in the photo is? That is the well-known fool of our class! Someone threw a cake at her, and she had no idea she needed to dodge it

I ran desperately, as if I were trying to escape the entire world, to escape from everyone. Why? I have never thought of hurting anyone, so why am I treated this way? I merely fell in love with someone, how did I end up in such a situation?

Today, Ruiqing has regained his former vitality, indicating that he has fully recovered from his illness. I did not raise my head, but continued to bury it in my arms, quietly resting there.

Where is this? I look up, but I cannot find the direction. In this sudden downpour, I am lost; I cannot find myself, nor can I find the way home. Watching the vehicles weaving through the rain and the hurried pedestrians, they are all rushing to get home. Home? Suddenly, I begin to miss my mother's warm embrace, I miss the joyful times spent together as a family of three, I want to go home

"Why are you only eating this little?" Dad asked with concern

I stood dazed at the classroom door, gazing at the photo on the blackboard, listening to my classmates' mockery, unsure of what to do.

My hand gently brushed against the damp backpack on my shoulder, and I realized that I had forgotten I was carrying an umbrella. I sighed; it seems I truly am foolish.

As Asia ... ...

Mom... I rushed up and hugged my mother tightly, burying my head in her embrace. A mother's embrace is always so warm; even if the world has abandoned me, my mother will hold me close, cherishing me as her precious one.

After school, I dragged my heavy footsteps, moving forward step by step. Although there were so many people on the road from school at dismissal time, I felt utterly alone

"Come, eat this fish, I specially cooked it for you today, give it a try." My mother seemed to notice that I was not in a good state today, so she made my favorite dishes, but I had no appetite at all. I weakly chewed on the rice, and only now do I understand what it means to eat without tasting it. Alas, I don't even want to eat such delicious food; it seems I am truly beyond help.

"Do not cry." The figure approaching me step by step is so familiar; I once felt ecstatic upon seeing him and was utterly disheartened by missing him. He is Dung Hu Yuan.

How could I possibly be unaware of such a significant matter? Dunsaka is truly perfect beyond words

If Adam and Eve had not eaten the fruit of the Garden of Eden, they would never have known that love exists in this world, nor would they ever have known the sadness and confusion that arise from love. In the past, I only knew that I liked that person; as long as I could quietly follow behind him and watch him, I was very content. But now, I am so lost that I do not know whether to trust my own feelings. I feel so tired of loving, and my heart is so weary. I just want to sleep like this, never to wake up, never to face reality.

How foolish, can't one dodge a whole cake thrown at their face

As I pondered, my eyes became red again. My mother thought I was crying out of self-reproach and feeling wronged, so she gently patted my head and said indulgently, "Alright, stop crying, go take a hot shower, and don't catch a cold." Upon hearing these words, my tears flowed uncontrollably.

At this time, the subway station is nearly deserted, with students and office workers having already left. Naturally, that person is also absent, leaving only the billboards to keep me company in this empty subway station. I stand there quietly waiting for the Line 2 train that I have grown accustomed to taking.

I cover my ears to avoid hearing, not wanting the wound to be torn open again. I turn and rush into the rain, letting the rain wash over my eyes

Dunhua Yuan, you scoundrel

Wuwu ... ...

After returning from Tsunoga Hara's birthday party, I washed my face clean and smiled at my pale reflection in the mirror. The more I smiled, the more I felt like crying. Is this face really so detestable? The moment my fingertips touched my cheek, I felt tears welling up again.

With this thought, I slowly closed my eyes, and before me was an endless expanse of darkness. I felt as if I were submerged in the deepest part of the ocean, experiencing the omnipresent pressure and the boundless darkness. In that darkness, there was a faint beam of light, within which was a familiar shadow. I desperately swam towards that beam of light, but it was so far away. The closer I got, the further that shadow seemed to drift away. No matter how hard I swam, I could not draw near to that shadow.

I raised my head and met Xin Xin's fierce gaze, her eyes looking at me as if I were a cockroach lying on food, almost bursting with fire.

I told myself that I must forget him

Alright, I see that you are also unable to articulate clearly. Stay at home, I will come over shortly

After returning to my seat, I lay my entire body on the desk, unable to muster any energy. The teacher's words turned into a monotonous buzzing in my ears. Perhaps I should just sleep; maybe if I fall asleep, I won't have to think about anything, and my heart will feel a little better.

I was walking with my head down, but unexpectedly, as soon as I entered the platform, I bumped into someone

"Ruya, what is wrong with you? What happened?" Xiaoyi's anxious voice continuously pierced my fragile nerves, causing my tears to flow even more violently

I can see nothing, hear nothing; this is for the best, as at least this way I will not see the wounds, and thus will not feel the pain so acutely

On the blackboard, there are photos from the birthday party where I was hit with a cake, a whole piece of cake smeared across my face, looking as ridiculous as one could imagine. Moreover, there is not just one such photo; they almost cover half of the blackboard, capturing the sequence from me awkwardly sitting there to the moment the cake splattered on my face, like a series of slow-motion shots, clearly showing how I ended up with a cake-covered face. Furthermore, there is not just one such photo; they almost cover half of the blackboard, capturing the sequence from me awkwardly sitting there to the moment the cake splattered on my face, like a series of slow-motion shots, clearly showing how I ended up with a cake-covered face.

Xiaoyi, I ... ... he ... ...

A fleeting thought, a persistent notion, destined to be like a moth to a flame, fully aware of the danger, yet still at a loss. It is best not to meet, best not to dwell, only then can one avoid falling in love with you. One more step of passing by, and I will be gradually ensnared

Wait for me

Wuwuwu... Mom, your precious child has suffered a great deal of injustice, and you have no idea.

Ah! Who is it? I really want to know!

"Why are you so late coming back today? It's more than half an hour later than usual, which is really concerning!" Mother complained

"Are you not afraid that I will tell that person your secret?" Ruiqing said with a smile while fiddling with the pencil in her hand, "I will tell that Dunsuke that you like him, haha!"

He grabbed my arm, just as he was about to speak, I interrupted him: "I am fine"

Enough! Have you all laughed enough? Before anyone could react, a figure rushed onto the stage, tearing down all the photos stuck to the blackboard and shredding them to pieces. I tell you, whoever brings this up again is going against me, so you all can decide for yourselves! Ruiqing stood on the stage, coldly gazing at those few individuals, her tone unmistakably severe. The girls across from her fell silent, each returning to their seats.

There is no one left. I do not know how much time has passed, I gently reminded her

Is that so?" my mother asked with a frown. Seizing the opportunity, I quickly withdrew my hand and dashed back to my room, closed the door, and let out a long sigh.

Before I could even utter my apology, I was interrupted by a sharp voice

I missed the subway today, so I am late. I'm sorry, Mom, I lied to you. I'm sorry, but I really don't want to take the same subway as him anymore. I would rather wait alone for a while than see him again.

Sigh, class is finally over, and the Chinese language class is really so boring. Accompanied by this exaggerated voice, someone has already plopped down next to me and is unconsciously reaching out to fiddle with the pencil case on my desk

The facts tell me that reality is always contrary to one's wishes. There are some things I want to forget, but there are always people who prevent me from doing so. When I step into the classroom, the photos posted on the blackboard remind me of everything that has happened before.

I do not know how I returned home, I only remember the moment I stepped through the door, my tears flowed down once again, mingling with the rainwater, and were vigorously wiped away by my mother

I heard Ruiqing's deep sigh, so close to me as if it were right by my ear, yet it seemed so distant, as if far away in the horizon

"I am not afraid, I am not afraid of anything now!" The tears that had been suppressed suddenly flowed out. I raised my head and shouted at Ruiqing, as if I wanted to shout out all my grievances, "I am not afraid of anything, what else is there for me to fear? I have already embarrassed myself so many times and been ridiculed by so many people, what else is there for me to fear!"

I, what could possibly be the matter with me? It's just that it's been hot lately, and I have no appetite. I said this with a sense of guilt.

I am not angry, I said calmly, there is nothing to be angry about, it's just mockery, let them mock, I have already gotten used to being mocked, so it doesn't matter if it's a few of them

"What's wrong with you, Ya?" My arm was gently touched by someone, and as I opened my eyes, I met Xiaoyi's concerned gaze.

Is that so? Please tell me more.

It is best not to meet, it is best not to think of you, only in this way can I avoid falling in love with you, a single step of brushing past each other, and I will fall deeper and deeper...

It seems that even the heavens are mocking me, as it unexpectedly begins to rain lightly. The cold raindrops hitting my face feel as if they are striking my heart, both cold and painful. My haggard and disheveled figure is reflected in the window of the teaching building, and it seems that ever since I met that person, I have been in this disheveled state.

"How can you not recognize her? She has accomplished so many remarkable things!" Xin Xin replied with a cold smile, her eyes filled with disdain

Dinglingling——

I sat dazed on the bed, gazing at the Gundam model in my hands, admiring its exquisite craftsmanship, vibrant colors, and the robot's dynamic poses. This was a gift I had painstakingly worked to purchase, a gift I had saved up for with great difficulty, with the hope of personally handing over something that Dunhe Yuan liked. Why is it that even this is not possible? Is it not acceptable to give a gift without confessing my feelings? At least my hard work over the past few days would not go to waste. This was a gift I had painstakingly worked to purchase, a gift I had saved up for with great difficulty, with the hope of personally handing over something that Dunhe Yuan liked. Why is it that even this is not possible? Is it not acceptable to give a gift without confessing my feelings? At least my hard work over the past few days would not go to waste. Thinking of this, I couldn't help but cry.

"Hey, Geruya, what's wrong with you? Why aren't you speaking? You didn't prepare some mysterious gift for me, did you?" Seeing that I had not responded for a while, someone lacking patience began to pull my arm.

As Asia, you ... ...

Why? Is it really my fault? I merely like someone, so why treat me this way? Why mock me? Is liking someone truly something to be ridiculed? A suffocating pain surges through my chest, and my heart is already shattered.

Dear Ge Ruya, what delicious food is in my bento today? Let me think, is it my favorite salmon or sweet rice balls?

I know I am very embarrassing and quite useless. I like him and want to treat him well, to bring the things he likes right in front of him, and to always see his smile. All I want is just this. After Xiaoyi said this, I cried even harder.

"Ge Ruya, what is wrong with you? You are late again; this is the second time this month. Do you not want to study anymore?" The homeroom teacher's voice buzzed above my head, as if it were coming from another world, sounding so ethereal. "Starting tomorrow, your cleaning time will be extended by one week, and you will also be responsible for cleaning the playground."

"Xiaoyi, what would I do without you?" I said, leaning on Xiaoyi's shoulder and sniffing, feeling aggrieved.

I heard that Senior Dunhua mentioned on his birthday that he already has someone he likes

Laugh, laugh, I even want to laugh at myself. In order to avoid encountering him again, I foolishly waited until after the sun had set to go home, just like I used to leave home before dawn to have a chance to meet him.

"You child just won't listen, didn't I tell you to bring an umbrella?" Mother lowered her head to wipe the water off me, scolding me sternly, yet unable to conceal her deep concern.

Perhaps it was because I was too exhausted from the day's activities, I slept very soundly at night. In my dreams, I seemed to see many people and many things, but upon waking, I remembered nothing. I only noticed in the morning that a large area of my pillow was wet.

Hello? I answered the phone and found that my voice was very hoarse. I rubbed my eyes, which still hurt a bit; crying really damages the eyes, they hurt so much, and my heart hurts even more

As the solemn sound of the ancient bell from the church across the street resonated, I quietly counted: one, two, three... After the sixth toll, the world fell silent once more, leaving only the sound of the rain.

Do not be angry, I assure you that no one will dare to mock you again next time

Is it 6 o'clock yet? I remember that every day at this time, I would wait at the third entrance of the subway station for that person, and then follow him onto Line 2. Even though it would take me an extra ten minutes of walking after getting off the subway to reach home, I felt happy. During that time, I was particularly joyful every day, but everything changed so quickly, before I even had a chance to react, everything had changed. I loved someone so awkwardly, yet he already had someone he liked. During that time, I was particularly joyful every day, but everything changed so quickly, before I even had a chance to react, everything had changed. I loved someone so awkwardly, yet he already had someone he liked.

I am waiting for you," he said

Dear, how are you? Did your confession succeed? The playful voice of Xiaoyi came through the phone

I walked to my seat with a blank expression, and as I passed by Ruiqing, I could feel his gaze lingering on me.

I apologize, but I did not prepare a bento today. I said with my head down in a muffled voice, I am very busy and may not have time to prepare in the future either. I tried to make my voice sound a bit calmer, struggling to control the emotions that were about to erupt.

I lay on the desk, burying my face in the crook of my arm, my fingers digging fiercely into the wooden tabletop beneath, waves of pain coursing through my fingertips. It was as if I could not feel it, and I continued to dig, my knuckles turning pale from the excessive force, blood oozing from beneath my nails.

As soon as Xiao spoke a single word, the tears I had been holding back suddenly burst forth. I truly have no self-respect; I had promised not to cry, yet upon hearing Xiao Yi's voice, I began to weep.

Alas, does this girl not understand what it means to be sentimental? Such a warm scene has been so abruptly disrupted by her.

Suddenly, a person rushed over and pounced on Dunhuo Yuan, who had no time to react and was knocked to the ground

I lay weakly on the table, my eyes vacant and my mind elsewhere. Yet, for some reason, I always feel as though a pair of eyes is watching me from behind.

Ruiqing's hurried explanation seemed as if he was afraid I would do something foolish, and a warm current suddenly surged into my cold heart, but that warmth was like sand held between my fingers, just a moment, and it slipped away through the gaps in my grasp

To love with all one's might does not necessarily guarantee a result, this I know. But how could I end up in such a miserable state? I merely like someone, I just want to confess to him, it is such a simple matter, so why have I ended up so battered and bruised?

You! "Xiaoyi shook her head, took a tissue to wipe my tear-streaked face, and said, 'I told you, a guy like him must have many admirers. What good does it do to cry now? You didn't even give away the gift you worked so hard to buy. How embarrassing!"

Is it you

"Why are you crying?" she asked with concern